he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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