why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
