I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
