You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
