New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize