hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
