Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
