note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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