his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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