I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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