I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
