i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
