I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
