this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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