Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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