he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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