Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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