So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
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