i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
