I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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