thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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