I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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