Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
