I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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