I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
