Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
