I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
