ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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