please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she looked like the before picture.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
