Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
