shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Randomize
