Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
