I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize
