I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
