omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
