Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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