I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Floor bacon is actually really good
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
