I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
