just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
