im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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