His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
