Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
