Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
