Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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