don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
