He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
