My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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