I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
