No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
