I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
