Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
