i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
