i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
