If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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