i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
babies were throwing up all over the place
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
