just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
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for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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