Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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