these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
