Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
