Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
