I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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