the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
