I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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