Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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