How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
