Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
